суббота, 18 октября 2008 г.

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Itapos;s interesting to think about what events represent. Not even the specific events themselves, but how they tie into archetypical cycles. Good bad, birth death. All that.
Iapos;m thinking about the deaths in the family, and Iapos;m thinking about the own events in my life. Itapos;s interesting to consider like how a week before it happened I was at this wild rave, and it was totally the classic rebirth experience for me in the emotional/spiritual sense.
Then, a week later, Iapos;m confronted with another primal experience of loss, reinforcing what had happened already some months earlier. Processing that loss is whatapos;s really getting me now.
Iapos;m glad I did go to the city, though. I think I would have taken it a lot harder if I didnapos;t. The stress has been much, lately.
Processing the loss. What does it mean when people die and there is no religious or spiritual rationale to seek solace in? Do I need to seek solace? Should I be expeiencing this grief to the full extent?
I suppose solace isnapos;t an escape really. There should be healthy rationale somewhere.
What does it mean when someone dies? I have a hard time answering that. In the simplest sense, I suppose that the loss of a human life is the death of a point of view. Itapos;s a perspective that will never be seen again in itapos;s pure sense, only described by those that remember.
Itapos;s weird to think about legacies. In a sense itapos;s what you leave behind materially, but I think itapos;s also how youapos;re remembered and how people speak of you. Itapos;s a mallable think. After someoneapos;s gone itapos;s up to the people left behind to determine if the remembrance is kind or angry.
Thatapos;s a hell of a responsibility. How do you quantify what made someone good or bad? Do you overlook the faults, or do you remember the whole? Iapos;m one of those people with the first impulse to remember only the good times, but if thatapos;s all you relate after the fact, you arenapos;t painting an honest picture.
Honestyapos;s important to me. Itapos;s a concept that I sometimes have to grapple with, but I try to live it. I wonapos;t talk about who they were or what they did here; if you ever meet me IRL, feel free to ask about it, if you feel it really matters. Itapos;s the shift of ideas that Iapos;m trying to unravel here, the adaptation of the paradigm.
Thatapos;s what it is, in a sense. My idea of life only was based only on the emotional concept of perpetuation up until this point. Hereapos;s where I get to choose between embracing the concept of a life death duality, or trying for something more unified.
Duality isnapos;t the truth of the matter. ...Hereapos;s where words get a little tricky. Life is an idea, or a point of view, so death is just a change of state. Now instead of the subjective experience of existence, you have the objective perpetuation and reinterpretation by an observer. Perception and experience are expressed in ideas, which is energy modulated by the wetware computer, which is a further expression of modulations in the ambient energy that composes the extent of the perceptible universe at large.
I suppose I do believe in reincarnation, in a sense. I mean, the preceding text is my basic rationale. Extend it to physical matter, and all is recycled, eventually. Even the energy generated by the mental processes has to go somewhere. It isnapos;t like it can be destroyed.
Itapos;s reincarnation, but with no real rhyme or reason. Just probability. No shadow of the past to cling to, either. I think the Tibetan Wheel of Suffering is a beautiful parable to explain the process, but I see no evidence of it, or any other framework.
Itapos;s a comfort, I suppose. Religion would just give me something to blame.
Not that I donapos;t occasionally engage in some meditation and inward focus. I find much of what the Buddhists have to teach is practical for day to day living.
I donapos;t know. Things to think about.
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